Tag: boundary

Healthy Boundaries

First, what is a boundary?  The definition of a boundary is:

the line that marks the limit of an area

Next, why do we need healthy boundaries?  We need healthy boundaries to keep from overextending ourselves.

People in our life need to be aware we have boundaries.

Here is an example for you, of a healthy boundary.

Your co-worker asks you to do one of their tasks.  Normally, this task would be something they complete, but as they are behind schedule, due to their own procrastination, they ask you to do this task for them.

You are on schedule with your tasks, but completing their task would push YOU behind schedule.

This is when I want you to say, “No.”

Of course, I am not suggesting being rude or disrespectful.  But, I would suggest for you to express to your co-worker, you are not able to take on their task.

This is a healthy boundary.  You realize helping your co-worker pushes YOU behind schedule and you politely deny their request.

Unfortunately, all situations aren’t always black and white.  Sometimes, a family member will ask you for a favor.  You might think to yourself, “Do I have the time and/or money to help?”  But before you answer, you think, “It’s family! I should help!”

While I agree that we should always try to help family, what I believe you should do in that moment is put yourself first.

Ask yourself, “Do I have the time or money to help them right now?”  If you do, great.  But, if you don’t, remember that it is okay to say No.

People, especially family, need to understand that you have boundaries.

Healthy boundaries are important, especially those of us who are “helpers”, which I discussed in my last post.

As a helper, we ALWAYS want to help others.  There is nothing wrong with always wanting to help others.

The problem is when you overextend yourself.  You do not have the time, space, or money to help, but you WANT to help!  Ugh, what do you do???

Well, the whole point of this post is to ensure YOU are aware of your healthy boundaries and that you remind others that you have boundaries.

I want you to comfortable with all your decisions concerning helping others.

NO ONE should ever push past your healthy boundaries because THEY WANT something from you.

Figure out what your healthy boundaries are today.

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Are you a “helper”?

If you have been reading my recent posts, you know that I am a helper.  It is something that comes naturally to me.

Here is the only problem.  While helping people is a wonderful thing to do, you can’t help everyone. I know you might be thinking, “Well why not?”.

There will be times that you do not have the time/money/space for someone’s request.  And it is perfectly okay not to be able to help with their request.

I do NOT want you to “feel bad” when you say no.  Why not?

Here is what I have learned from personal experience about being a “helper”.

People learn to count on you, without ever thinking about it, or even giving it a second thought.  That sounds great, right?  Well, it is great that they consider you to be a trustworthy person that can be counted on.

But (come on you knew there was a but coming, lol), sometimes people ask for TOO much from you because they know you can deliver.  They don’t even consider if you have the time/money/space for their request in your life.

That is when I want you to say NO.

Of course, I am not asking you to be rude about it.  You could say something to the effect of, “While I would normally be ALL over (their request), right now I do not have the time (money/space) to help you.”

They need to understand that your time/money/space is valuable.

This all goes back to boundaries (which I will talk about in another post).  We need to set boundaries for ourselves.  This is not because we don’t want to help.  It isn’t even because we want to keep people at arm’s length.

The reason is: we value our own time and space.

Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to help people.  But, I have overextended myself way too many times.  I say Yes, and then I am thinking, “Oh no, I don’t have the time for that!”.

I completely understand it is hard to say no to people.  It is especially hard when you are used to helping everyone all the time.

But, I value my time and space, so I say NO when I need to.  And I want you to do the same.

At the end of the day, this is about how much time/money/space I have left to help.  It isn’t about them and how much help they need.

If you set healthy boundaries with everyone from the start, this will never be a problem.  Now if you are like me and didn’t find this out early in life, it will be a challenge.  But, it will be worth it to start setting them now.

Set a new boundary (for your co-worker, friend, family) and stay firm if they try to cross it.  Yes, it will be hard at first, but they will learn what your boundaries are and not to cross them.

I know you can do it!

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